'I'm never satisfied...'

This brain dump was sparked from a 1-1 check in this week.

This client is a CEO, mother, partner, friend & stays in incredible shape - bit of a superwoman…. but unsurprisingly has very high standards of herself - probably why she’s so successful.

In last week’s check in she had been particularly hard one herself and I asked her “who said this isn’t enough”

She noted it made her realise that she is never satisfied with anything she does and asked…

How do I reprogram that…?!

Here is my response..

Firstly, to be totally transparent you are probably asking the wrong person as its a trait of mine too…

I see it as the shadow side of success.

By this I mean that the traits that make you successful are also often the traits that can cause the most harm & be the most destructive too.

Example: never being satisfied will always make you strive for more but you also risk not appreciating what you have and missing out on enjoying life as much.

There is an awesome quote by a writer about this.

He was talking to some friends who were discussing how much money someone was making and the writer noted that it was impressive but he has something the rich man will never have… enough.

This weekend I was a little stressed - we’ve been moving platforms to improve commit to 6 and I won’t lie its been a tad stressful plus I decided I want to redo a few other bits and create some extra resources.. obviously I decided to do this all at the same time on top of my usual workload and while prepping for the AFM meet up.

I said to my girl friend I felt like I was dropping the ball a little.

She pointed out I wasn’t actually dropping the ball but a few little hiccups can compound and make it feel like that when in reality it’s not.

And that:

'It’s a double edged sword being hard on yourself - clearly has lead you to a lot of success but when things go wrong you’re pointing the finger at yourself’

To offer something useful here rather than just to relate… in my opinion the answer is being able to manage it (I am clearly not there yet myself).

But things that help me are:

a) the self awareness to notice these traits in yourself (&/or someone who will call them out in you)

b) A growth mindset to know you can change it if its not a trait you want but that it will take work and discomfort.

So how do you change?

Journalling, therapy, getting to know yourself, having perspective…
Self compassion - which isn’t about  accepting less of yourself but about embracing that you are human.

Self compassion is closely linked to imperfect action. (trade marking this)

Rather than I cant do that & thus giving up

Try I cant do that so what can I do.

Not being able to go to the gym doesn’t mean you cant exercise.

But when you tell yourself nothing but perfect is good enough you’ll end up acting out an all or nothing approach and getting poor outcomes as a result.

Reminder:

Your best is going to look different every day.

This is why I get clients to take 10mins each evening to plan their days based on whats realistic.

Not to be dramatic but…

It’s the most transformative 10mins you’ll spend.

You will feel less stressed & less anxious as well as more productive, present & happier for it.

It’s the difference between being proactive and reactive.

Some days your best is making huge progress. Other days it’s just getting through the day.

& the last thing you need on the tough days/weeks/ months is to beat yourself up and add fuel to the fire!

I hope this has been useful to anyone who feels like what they do is never enough.

Share it with someone who it might help!